Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your cock deserves a montage
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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