I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
be right there i have to get my cape
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
