I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize