Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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