if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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