I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
