Texts From Last Night

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  (716): View more from New York

  there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one

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  (716): there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one http://tfl.nu/1wzf
  Replies (3) Good night (1563) Bad night (569)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?

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  (240): How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf? http://tfl.nu/9o9r
  Replies (6) Good night (699) Bad night (1498)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.

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  (814): listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week. http://tfl.nu/ufqh
  Replies (20) Good night (4636) Bad night (1047)
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  (509): View more from Washington

  I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.

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  (509): I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact. http://tfl.nu/tkeu
  Replies (35) Good night (1309) Bad night (4103)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here

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  (614): Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here http://tfl.nu/czu0
  Replies (13) Good night (3318) Bad night (1134)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.

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  (937): And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend. http://tfl.nu/r7zp
  Replies (12) Good night (1287) Bad night (3189)
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  (204): View more from Manitoba

  All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."

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  (204): All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday." http://tfl.nu/uy4c
  Replies (5) Good night (1174) Bad night (1475)
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  (763): View more from Minnesota

  I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me

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  (763): I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me http://tfl.nu/q7kn
  Replies (5) Good night (1419) Bad night (888)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together

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  (216): Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together http://tfl.nu/si4s
  Replies (2) Good night (1444) Bad night (806)
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  (360): View more from Washington

  All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.

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  (360): All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower. http://tfl.nu/z2xv
  Replies (15) Good night (1661) Bad night (1024)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.

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  (330): My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story. http://tfl.nu/g1cp
  Replies (6) Good night (1188) Bad night (551)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year

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  (720): Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year http://tfl.nu/fovp
  Replies (2) Good night (385) Bad night (548)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.

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  (501): If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you. http://tfl.nu/0j48
  Replies (0) Good night (642) Bad night (811)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.

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  (412): Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil. http://tfl.nu/nc46
  Replies (7) Good night (334) Bad night (653)
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  (310): View more from California

  If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen

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  (310): If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen http://tfl.nu/sl3q
  Replies (1) Good night (470) Bad night (231)

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