You're my little dorito
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
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So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
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I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people