Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago