I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
