My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Randomize
