Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
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