i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
