maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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