Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
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Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
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If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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