i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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