Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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