don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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