I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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