You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
