Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.