TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?