oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail