I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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