you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
