He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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