So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
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The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
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You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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