you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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