How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
