Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
