Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
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My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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