He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
