My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize