my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I fill condoms, not promises.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
