pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
