I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
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