theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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