Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
