Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
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