I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
