Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
