Cold hands, warm shart.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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