: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
