I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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