Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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