You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
