How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
