Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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