What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
she pinky promised me she was 18
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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