That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
