Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
