Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
