i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
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I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
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