wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Randomize
