Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
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