if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
