well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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