Fuck appropriateness.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We got so high we made milksteak
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
