therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
