Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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