Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
