can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
