I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
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Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
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I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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