I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
the liver wants what the liver wants
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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