I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Come share oat with me in your robe
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
